July 26th, 2010 at 10:22am
Under Relationship+ With others
Have you ever stopped to consider the horse’s point of view? What it is like to be in service to and dependent upon humans for your life? If you were a horse, would you be happy with your place in the world?
Horses see humans as predators. And we are. I believe that horses love the opportunity to be partners in a very unique dance. Horses can teach more about connection, relationship, learning to see another as equal to your self than most humans can teach each other. The question is, do we want to learn from the horse’s point of view?
Are we willing to stand fully in another person or animal’s shoes? When we do; we might have our idea about who we are challenging. We might not be as patient, available, in the present moment, open to another’s opinion or as generous as we might like to think we are.
This week, see if you can really stand in another person or animal’s point of view. If you were the animal, how would you rate you on a scale of 1-10? If you can’t give yourself a 10 – what are the things you’d like to do differently to re-engage the relationship? Specifically?
It can be humbling to see yourself from another’s point of view AND it can open the door to some amazing new growth opportunities. Are you up for it?
Drop me a note and let me know your experience of another’s point of view.
The Divine Cowgirl,
LeeAnn
(photo credit: BabyDinosaur)
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By LeeAnn
July 19th, 2010 at 01:01pm
Under Relationship+ With others+ With ourselves
Horses have captured my heart. Horses seem to find me, especially horses that need a change with their human roommates. I say roommates because what is missing is a partnership.
It is interesting. I have recently discovered that I have withheld or shielded my heart from horses for a long time. It broke my heart to have to shut down my barn and find homes for my beloveds. And because my life has been in limbo for a few years now, I have been unwilling to really give my heart to a horse, at least until now.
So he is tall, black and white, big motion and has been badly misunderstood. My girlfriend who trains horses called me over for an evaluation. Now I know she didn’t need a consult and the moment I saw him move I know why she called me. He is the kind of horse that steals my heart. And he did.
What I realized is that I have imprisoned my own heart. I have had a vision about relationships with horses that I haven’t been able to set in motion, maybe because the timing wasn’t right. You see for me, the relationship with the horse starts with connection. It is not about using the horse for some personal gain. It is about discovering connection and partnership.
I listened to a CD - Celebrating Love™ created by Alison Armstrong and realized that I had tried for a very long time to break the cultural trance around horses and in the end the trance broke me. So this time I am not going at it the same way. I now see new possibilities. I now see my heart work differently. I am ready with new tools to provide a whole new experience with connection, learning relationships and partnership. The Divine Cowgirl retreats are just about ready to emerge. (Stay tuned)
Horses, humans, learners, leaders… all capture my heart and I can hardly wait to bring new possibilities into the world. It’s time. It’s time to stand fully in my passion and possibilities.
What is calling you?
The Divine Cowgirl,
LeeAnn
(photo credit: Scott MacLeod Liddle)
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By LeeAnn
July 13th, 2010 at 02:51pm
Under Relationship+ With others+ With our bodies+ With ourselves
Having finished reading Geneen Roth’s book – Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything
(her web site http://www.geneenroth.com/ ), I have come to realize that of the three defensive reactions I could have towards stress – flee – fight or freeze, my favorite unconscious pattern is to freeze. In fact as I contemplate this whole idea, I realize that I have used the freeze pattern for as long as I can remember. AND I have decided it is time to thaw.
So what exactly does that mean? What does it mean to respond to stress by freezing? It means that I freeze my emotions. I eat to go numb. By freezing or going numb I don’t have to deal with those messy emotions that have caused me so much trouble.
I realized just recently that it is not my emotions that cause so much trouble, it is the reactions that other people have to my emotions that I am trying to prevent. If I can control myself, then I can control the situation. What a nutzy idea!!! Where did I ever get the idea I can control my emotions? Yes, I do know from my family and others around me who didn’t know how to deal with their emotions either.
It doesn’t matter where the idea came from; it does matter that I am committed to thawing. I am committed to letting my feelings flow in their natural state. I have a hunch that they have some valuable information to share with me.
So what about you? Do you freeze, flee or fight? Do you use food to numb your emotions? Are you ready to try something new?
If you are willing, share with me your favorite way that you deal with stress?
Until next time,
The Divine Cowgirl
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By LeeAnn
July 6th, 2010 at 01:01pm
Under Relationship+ With ourselves
The 4th of July brings up thoughts of independence in all forms; independence from oppressors, monarchies, and even tyrants. Usually we think about wars fought and won. Being the victor has been cause for celebration.
But what if it is time to declare a different kind of independence? What if the independence we need to declare is freedom from culture stories and “shoulds?” What if we created a new kind of revolution?
I have just finished reading Victoria Castle’s book - The Trance of Scarcity: Stop Holding Your Breath and Start Living Your Life
The key message for me was letting go of the cultural trance. Stop listening to all the outside messages from how your body should look and age; to what you need to have in order to look successful; to what outside personal, place or thing is going to finally give you life, personal liberty and happiness.
So on this day I decided to write my own Personal Declaration of Independence.
I, LeeAnn, now declare my independence and freedom of choice for the following:
I now align with my body. I stop and check in. I allow and become conversant in the language of feelings. I choose to live in my body. I take time to give it what it needs and become an interdependent partner with its care, feeding, rest and exercise. I no longer compare or buy into the cultural story about bodies – how they look or what size they should be. I take time to discover this model I arrived in and I celebrate and appreciate all the ways it has supported me.
I now allow and align with abundance in my life. I claim my own idea of what is enough. Rather than look outside myself for things or acquisition that might fill me up, I discover the essence of what fills me and place my attention there. I am enough, I have enough and I share with those who appreciate receiving from the bounty of life. I am present with gratitude and appreciation for this life, here and now.
I surround myself with lively, creative, engaged souls. I belong to the community of life. I participate in relationships that move us towards our health and happiness as a community. I will not fight against anything – rather I will work with and toward a vision that aligns with fully living.
I engage in relationships with curiosity. I open to other points of view so that I broaden my idea of what is possible. I call forth others to join me in staking a claim of life and liveliness in the communities I belong – local, regional, nationally and globally.
I claim radical wholeness. I invite others to lay down their stories of brokenness or playing little.
I choose to be independent from all the doom and gloom stories on the news, the over the top consumerism, greed and self-perpetuating narcissism. I claim freedom from division, scarcity and fear.
Today is the day… what will your claim be?
Happy Trails,
The Divine Cowgirl – LeeAnn
(photo credit: papaija2008)
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By LeeAnn
June 28th, 2010 at 08:39am
Under Relationship+ With others
One of my heroes is Col. Alois Podhajsky. Podhajsky is remembered most for saving the Lipizzans and preserving their history following the war. Before WWII, the Spanish Riding School tradition and classical dressage had been an oral tradition; Podhajsky created the written documentation to preserve this ancient tradition.
What makes him my hero is his dedication to learning and learning relationships with both his students and his horses. In his late 80’s he reported he learned something new every time he rode his horses and he looked forward to each new understanding. I hope I can be such an open learner for my time on earth.
“We must live for the school. Offer our lives to it. Then, perhaps, little by little, the light will grow from the tiny candle we keep lit here, and the great art—of the haute école—will not be snuffed out”.
-Alois Podhajsky
Learning relationships are, in part, a dedication to connection and relating to living creatures. They are about our willingness to be 100% accountable for the flavor and direction a relationship takes. From Martin Buber’s “I-Thou” work; learning relationships are always coming from the point of view that I treat another as a “Thou” rather and an “It.” Learning relationships are relationships of equals. There is no marginalization, no emasculation, no objectification, and no entitlement; there is only curiosity and connection.
We need each other to grow and learn. We need to learn from our blind spots and our impact that we have with each other. To learn we must come to the relationships with a willingness to learn and a willingness to lay down our defenses. We also must be willing to investigate and lay down our stories and even our histories and come to each new encounter with fresh, soft eyes.
Think for a moment about the person that you have a difficult time with. Is it possible that you have never stood in their shoes? Is it possible that you have spent more time in “judge’s robes” than in a curious relationship? While you may not agree with their story, your job is to simply witness and listen without the need to help, fix or condemn. Learning relationships are really about discovering who you are and what you are made of. Learning relationships allow us to see our beliefs, attitudes, judgments and reactions and make decisions about who we want to be with others. It is opportunity to step up into being a conscious adult.
Do you learn in relationship? Do you try and make the other just like yourself? Are you willing to hang up your “judge’s robe?”
I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments!
Happy Trails,
(photo credit: BrianScott)
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By LeeAnn
June 21st, 2010 at 08:58am
Under Relationship+ With others
What does it mean to connect? What does it really mean to be present to other people or animals?
Horses and I have a wonderful partnership. We are on a mission to assist humans in the art of connection and relationship. Connection is really about an intention to be fully present to another creature. It means to set aside our stories; our preoccupations; our navel grazing if you will, and discover who stands before us now.
When I work with a horseperson, usually they are so focused on the task – or the agenda they want to accomplish, that they forget this is a living creature not put on earth to be their tool in getting what they want. That includes using the animal or person to “be seen” in certain ways such as “I am now somebody because my association with you gets me…….” (fill in the blank) It is called using another for a vicarious experience.
While giving a lesson the other day, I had a student go through the motions of connection without actually connecting. They had told me the horse was fussy. What I saw was a horse that was filled with anxiety. The rider told me the pervious trainer expected lightness from the horse. The problem was that the horse had no idea what lightness meant other than to avoid punishment. In essence, connection had never been established, the “lightness” of touch was really fear. The horse was hyper-vigilant and trying to anticipate rather than respond to a request.
Do you create expectations that have other people avoid rather than lean into your partnership?
We worked that day on establishing relaxation. We worked on the horse allowing the rider to establish contact with hands, seat and legs as the foundation of communication. As we focused our work on connection, both the horse and rider relaxed. Without connection, there is no possibility of partnership or in establishing a learning relationship.
Do you connect? Is connection important to you? For a week notice all your relationships – are you really connecting? And how does the relationship change when you are fully present for connection?
Happy trails,
(photo credit: Richard Messenger)
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By LeeAnn
June 14th, 2010 at 12:45pm
Under Relationship+ With others
Per·func·to·ry
adjective
1. Performed merely as a routine duty; hasty and superficial: perfunctory courtesy.
2. Lacking interest, care, or enthusiasm; indifferent or apathetic
3. Cursory, as a formality only
Horses are never perfunctory. They are always in the moment and present to what they are up to. Humans? …..not so much.
I had an experience this past weekend with a new horseman. It left me pondering how we, as humans, spend much of our lives being perfunctory.
I had agreed to give a horse-relationship lesson to this rider. I don’t believe in just giving a “technical – or how-to lesson.” My focus is always about the relationship and it begins when you first connect to the horse. Part of riding is grooming. It’s that part, if treated as a perfunctory event, is about getting rid of the dirt so you can move on to riding. However, grooming is all about connection. In some ways it is preparation for partnership. It is the first step in being present to your horse partner.
Yes, grooming has an element of routine. It is the time to literally check the horse out– to see if there are any swellings, cuts, or sore places. And it is an opportunity to give back. The act of grooming is part of the horse’s social structure. Itching each other in places that horses can’t reach for themselves is part of how horses relate to each other. It is a form of acceptance into the herd.
Part of the grooming ritual is an opportunity to ask the question, “Who are you today?”
How often do you ask your partner, your employees, your friends, your children – “Who are you today?” Or do you simply act and interact from your history with them? Are you really present to this moment?
Being present means slowing down, breathing together, and being curious about each other. It means “seeing” the other now – as in this moment.
We only have this moment – what I have noticed is that we treat the present moment as though it will always be there – as if we can always have another moment. In our obsession with getting somewhere we squander connection. We miss the gift of relationship by being so focused on the “doing” that we miss the “being.”
I invite you to ponder how much time you spend being perfunctory? Is it what you really want?
(photo credit: cyborgsuzy)
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By LeeAnn
June 7th, 2010 at 11:47am
Under Relationship+ With others
To be successful with an animal requires understanding their nature, behavior and point of view. For example, horses are prey animals. They respond with “fear – flight” when stressed or scared. To best engage in a horse-human relationship, humans have to become aware of how the horse perceives them as predators.
To successfully engage in human relationships, also requires understanding a point of view. We can only truly understand another’s point of view if we are willing to give up our “idealized” version of the other person.
I recently participated a course called – Celebrating Men-Satisfying Women It turned my view of men upside down and has transformed how I see men in a brand new way. (and it has made it very difficult for me to watch the unconscious way women interact with men) The creator of the program, Alison Armstrong, has a mission of transforming one million women’s point of view about men. She believes we can move from dissatisfaction to true partnership with men and create peace between the sexes simply by truly understanding and engaging with the nature of men. For the record, I totally believe her.
I have always loved men and yet I too have experienced dissatisfaction and misses in relationships. In the few weeks since the course, my life has truly transformed. I have had the most amazing connection and learning, simply by engaging in a way that sets up success for both of us.
How often do we set up relationships for failure by reacting to people as though they “should have” shown up differently? Women think men should be different. Teachers think parents should be doing things differently. The culture thinks teachers should be different. Parents think their kids should be someone different. Teachers think that students need to be different. I wonder what would happen if we gave up “should” and simply stepped in to their point of view??
I am so grateful that I found Alison’s course at this time in my life. I am grateful for a deeper understanding of men. I can hardly wait to weave what I have learned into my work. I love the way new learning’s show up for me. I love being a learner.
How about you? Would you be grateful for a new point of view?
(photo credit: pic fix)
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By LeeAnn
May 31st, 2010 at 01:17pm
Under Relationship+ With others+ With ourselves
All spiritual teachers recommend or even require a forgiveness practice –
We are not victims; we are however, unconscious participants in a tug-of-war of unmet needs. If we want to blaze new trails, we have to be willing to let go of the past and that includes letting go of hurts.
Forgiveness begins with personal responsibility – it never means that we condone the act of violence be it verbal or physical – It simply means we have a desire to move beyond that continued attachment to the memory of the event. It means we are willing to give up being continuously victimized. We are anchored to our past through our pain. Freedom comes with the courage to let go. When we cut the cords of our story and bless our “teachers” no matter in what form they come in, we move to a new stage in our growth and development.
No matter how many times I revisit forgiveness, there are new layers that emerge and at the same time my heart opens a little wider giving me new access to what it means to love as God loves – to love unconditionally.
I have had to pray through, sometimes, gritted teeth – Please bless this person, please this teacher. And I know I too have played a role.
At times I have had to ask God to reveal the role I have played so that I might lay down with what is mine.
I have had to ask to see through their eyes – I have been humbled by what I have seen.
Later, as I have been more willing to be moved by compassion – I have learned to pray and affirm for them. I have learned to stop and ask the question – What is it that this person needs or is seeking that would make them act this way? What is it that they hunger for?
I thank God for all the teachers that have crossed my path. I give thanks for each of my teachers who have called me to growth when I would rather have played small and stayed in my comfort zone. I give thanks that they have nudged me in to discovering who I really am and why I am here and that it is time for me to grow beyond my story and my illusions. I give thanks for forcing me to stand in my own truth, strength and integrity. May they be blessed beyond their wildest imagination!
I hold each to the light and say:
I see you healthy, happy and filled with love. You are fully forgiven.
I see you living your gifts, prosperous in all ways – experiencing success.
What I give to another comes back to me. I am always blessed in the process of forgiveness and I am given the freedom to blaze new trails in my own life. I invite you to experience the freedom that comes with forgiveness. Take the step – it is worth it!
Happy trails!
(photo credit: HandsLive)
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By LeeAnn
May 24th, 2010 at 12:51pm
Under Inward Journey
There is a bluff at the edge of Wenatchee, WA that hosts a spectacular garden – Ohme Gardens
If you follow this link (Ohme Gardens) you can read about the history and see some of the spectacular photos of today.
It took a clear dream/vision and then a lot of action – the kind that leaves you with a dirt tan to create this oasis in the rock pile. Years later, it is hard to imagine a couple being that dedicated to a project that wasn’t about money but instead was about beauty, tranquility and peace.
Eighty-one years later, the gardens remain and hosts people visiting each year to participate in the legacy of this one couple’s dream/vision. What is your vision? What are you wiling to commit to or tend until it blooms?
For me it is such a contrast to see a standing legacy like this garden and then tons of junk that gets recycled so we can buy more stuff. While the garden doesn’t have neighbor envy, meaning you can’t bring it home in a box or park it front of your home – there is something much more satisfying in seeing the result of nurturing a dream manifest in front of you.
I believe our Soul’s are hungry for legacy work. I believe we didn’t come to earth to just buy stuff, incur debt, work to pay off our debt and remain in a rat race of chasing that which has a shorter lifespan than our pet petunia.
As I think about blossoming, I wonder what you have dedicated your life to? What is one mark you want to make on this thing called life?
I’d say this gal made love her gift to the 36 kids she provided foster care for. That is a commitment to the future with a lot of heart.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/03/it-just-takes-one-foster_n_559435.html
Blossoming is a full out commitment. There is no try in the endeavor. For a plant blooming is a no-brainer. There is no half bloom, no peeking and shirking – there is only a surrender to be what it is meant to be…
Are you ready to answer the call of your Soul? Are you ready to fully bloom?
Happy trails
The Divine Cowgirl
(photo credit: Per Ola Wiberg ~ Powi)
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By LeeAnn
