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Breaking Trail

January 27th, 2012 at 08:00am Under Horse+ Relationship+ With ourselves

We had our first major snow fall in the state I call home. It was a sudden dumping of about a foot of beautiful fluffy white powder. The air was so cold and dry that the snow stayed like loose sugar. It covered the hills surrounding the ranch where I keep my mare, leaving only blonde tufts of grass poking their delicate frosty heads above the snow. The sage brush was dressed in white as well, bowed down by the weight. It was a glorious, sparkly, diamond kind of day, beautiful and bright. The sky was an impossible blue, not a cloud in sight. It was a perfect winter day.

My cowgirl friend on her mustang, me on my girl and a third party decided to catch a ride. We headed up the ravine behind the ranch. Our horses were proud and frisky, blowing clouds of white from their nostrils, necks arched, slogging through the foot deep snow. We cut loose up the trail, letting our horses blow off some of their pent up energy. We paused at the top, and then traveled along the side of the gentle sloping hill, to the base of a nice long stretch of open ground.

We took off again up that hill, no trail this time, going at a good gallop. A buckskin, a black and a bay. A blonde, a grey and a brunette. Yahoo!! Snow flying from hooves, manes and tails flying, glorious freedom, joy-filled hearts. Our cheeks were stinging from the cold. Our horses loved every moment of it, their hoof beats muffled by the snow as we charged up to the top of that iridescent hill, breaking through the snow, blazing our own trail.

That was the first time I had the opportunity to ride in snow like that. I could not see the ground, there was no trail to mark my way. I was a little anxious at first. Pesky “what if” questions kept rolling into my mind. What if she slips and falls? What if we stumble on something under the snow? Yikes, I can’t see the trail!

I was trying something new. It seemed a little risky to me. I could not see my way. We were breaking trail through the snow, but I was breaking trail through my fear of the unknown. It probably seems a small thing to some, but to me it was another one of those quiet sweet lessons taught to me by my mare. We were never in any danger. The footing was sure, our horses were agile, and there was nothing to trip over on the hill I had galloped up many times when it was bare in the summer. All I had to do was trust in my riding ability, the wisdom of my friend leading the charge, and my solid little mare taking me on yet another glorious adventure; one I would have missed if I had let my fear rule me on that day.

I would have missed a chance to experience the joy I felt at the top of that rise, a joy that still brings a smile to my face as I think back on it. So, I have decided to continue to break trail in other areas of my life. Some of those areas may seem large, and some will be small and quiet. I want more of that joy that came with overcoming my fear and going for it.

Happy Trails,

Deb

(photo: jpellgen)

Tags: Breaking Trail, deb divine, deeply listen, following your heart, horses, inner journey, leeann gibbs, personal development, personal journey

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Invisible Fencing

January 12th, 2012 at 08:00am Under Relationship+ Uncategorized+ With ourselves

Three of my cowgirl buddies and I were having our weekly breakfast to talk about all that wonderful “girl” stuff. We covered topics such as how our relationships were going with those big hairy beasts we live with (both the 2 legged and the 4 legged), the changing shape of our behinds as we “gulp” age, and always “how are you doing in general?”

One of my friends shared a story about a wacky friend of hers who wanted to test out his invisible fencing to see how it worked on the animals. He actually strapped the collar on around his neck and gave it a go. The resulting story was hilarious and had us all in stitches.

As we parted company, each to her busy day, the phrase invisible fencing kept rolling through my mind. My first inclination was to apply it to my life as something negative that kept me in and held me back from becoming who I wanted to be. Sort of an invisible fence of fear in my mind that kept me penned in.

As I thought about the idea of a fence around me I realized it was necessary. My fence is what helps me set healthy boundaries between me and the world I live in. It helps me sort out what is my “stuff” emotionally and what is not. It enables me to say “no”, with peace, when life attempts to crowd in on me with too many demands on my precious time. This wonderful fence keeps me at peace in the middle of some of the storms life can throw at you.

It is such a simple metaphor for good emotional health. How high the fence is and how far from you it is placed are choices each one of us gets to make. I like my fence, and after all, I own all the gates and get to decide who or what to let in.

Happy Trails,

Deb

(photo: Vainsang)

Tags: boundaries, deb divine, invisible fences, leeann gibbs, personal development

By Deb 1 comment

Message Received

January 4th, 2012 at 12:36pm Under Divine Cowgirl+ Inward Journey+ Relationship+ With ourselves

I have in the past tended to learn lessons the hard way. I call it the 2×4 method, one I bet more than just myself is familiar with – you know: you have to be hit up side the head good and hard to wake up to something. Surprisingly the best lesson I have learned over the past 6 months unfolded quietly, gradually, like the gentle rays of the sun on a still fall morning. The message of the lesson called to my heart in a whisper I almost missed.

Frequently I let myself be driven by some tyrant in my head that says I have to accomplish something with my horse every time I visit her. I put a lot of pressure on us both. She sensed my lack of peace. No wonder at times she would act a little grumpy. This tyrant was busy in many other areas of my life as well. No wonder at times I would act a little grumpy.

On one of my most recent visits to the ranch where I board my mare I gave myself permission to just come and sit and soak in the peace and well being that exists in this place I count myself as lucky to be. I parked my behind on the warm, sunny, rustic front porch of the building holding the office, taking in the beautiful view. The snow dusted hills, the river covered with sparkling diamonds, and the small heard of horses looking at me with curiosity filled my heart with peace and joy, at the simple beauty laid out before me. There were a couple of dogs at my feet and one laying his warm head in my lap, all wanting love and attention. I stroked his brown head, letting the tension go. Life is good I thought, with a smile on my face. In addition, I could watch the horses in their paddocks, all standing happy and content. Some were napping off their morning breakfast, standing heads low and eyes half shut, at peace. A few have succumbed to sleep and are stretched out flat for a little snooze. My eyes eagerly search out my girl. She gazes at me, still drowsy and not quite back from wherever horses go when they sleep and dream. I can smell horse poop and hay. All is at peace, all is well.

The lesson that sunk into my heart that morning was how ok it is to be still and do nothing. I did not have to accomplish one single thing. Everything was ok. I looked at all the horses and animals surrounding around me. All were enjoying the early winter‘s warm sunshine. All was at peace. No one had an agenda other than “being”. No one is stressed out because their list is not getting done. I sat on that well loved porch and let that message soak into me for awhile. I sighed deeply with understanding and relief. Message received.

I do not make new years resolutions. If I did, this would be the one: “I will not be ruled by restless activity any longer, both where my horse is concerned and all the other areas of my life. I will take time to sit and nurture my heart and spirit in what ever fashion that may take”. A warm dog on your lap is a pretty good way to start!

Happy Trails,

Deb

(photo: bullcitydogs)

Tags: leeann gibbs, lessons learned, life lessons, new beginnings, personal journey, resolutions

By Deb 1 comment

Heart Courage

December 26th, 2011 at 08:00am Under Divine Cowgirl+ Inward Journey+ Relationship+ With others

Today I had a day off from my busy retail job. I spent the day recharging my internal batteries, baking cookies, doing laundry and loving on my little black dog. I found myself pondering “What is really important in life?” Big question this time of year.

My thoughts drifted to ideas of universal love, generosity, being a Christ like, giving person, with some big life defining mission in order to express these qualities. I found myself asking God “Why am I here, what do you want me to do?” I did not receive any thunderbolt of insight.

As my day progressed, I kept thinking about a special someone I know and love. Thoughts of her kept drifting into my mind. I finally picked up the phone and called her. As we shared our day she told me how very hard this day was for her. She was in a dark place and could not find her way out.

As we continued to have what can only be called wonderful girl talk, she was laughing, and I could hear the lightness return to her voice. We shared a prayer for each other, said I love you, and hung up.

I realized then I did not have to do a big, grand “something” to discover this elusive all defining purpose. I think a richer deeper doing is to be found in the every day small stuff, such as being sensitive to the pain in someone’s voice, the look of loneliness in a stranger’s eye, and the willingness, (plus some heart courage thrown in for good measure) to engage either with a warm smile, a hug when appropriate, or a compassionate listening ear.

All I have to do is follow my heart moment by moment, yield to the gentle tug to be vulnerable, be soft, to be genuine in my loving. When I am in that place I have found my purpose. It’s in the small moments of life. Choosing to set aside my own agenda and enter into someone else’s life, even if for just a few seconds, to be a conduit for love and compassion.

I discovered that morning why I am here and what God wants me to do. It’s really pretty easy. All it takes is a little courage.

Happy Trails,

Deb

(photo: anitakhart)

Tags: compassion, courage, leeann gibbs, personal development, relationships

By Deb 1 comment

First Snowfall

December 14th, 2011 at 01:46pm Under Divine Cowgirl+ Relationship+ With ourselves

The sky is lying down on the ground this morning, all cottony and light grey. There are hills in the distance, but they are hidden. Kind of looks like a snow sky.

The arrival of the first big snow fall every winter is so exciting. I like it best when caught by surprise. I work indoors. Many days I do not see what is going on outside till I leave for Home Sweet Home. On many occasions I have opened the big door to leave and have caught my breath at the beautiful sight.

Our drab utilitarian parking lot has been transformed into a winter wonderland. The trucks and cars have all the rough edges covered with fluffy white. They remind me of big misshapen marshmallows. The flat black asphalt is a blanket of fluffy goose down, like there was a gigantic cosmic frolic of a pillow fight and all the seams blew apart, floating feathers down on us.

Even the sounds are different. The harsh growls of car engines are toned down to intimate whispers, murmuring pleasantries. The smell of the air is different also. It has a clean crispness to it, as if scrubbed clean of all the old summer dust. I imagine this must be what a cloud would smell like if one could walk among them.

Yep, I love that first snowfall. It signals to me the cozy, go inward, and hunker down time of the year. Out comes the hot chocolate, sometimes with a splash of peppermint schnapps added for good measure.

My mare is hunkered down also. She has transformed into a big dark brown fur ball, so different from the sleek dappled light brown of summer. We cut back on our rides. It’s toe numbing cold. Her energies are directed towards eating and staying warm. I release the pressure on myself to ride everyday. Now, we often just take walks together along the orchards.

I appreciate the winter time. It truly is a time of contemplation for me. How am I doing inwardly? Am I being true to myself? Am I treating others with compassion and forgiveness? Am I putting off something I need to do? My slow easy walks with my girl provide me with some of the best times for reflection. If my hands get cold, I just bury them in her warm fur, letting all the heat from her big beating heart soak into me, right down to my soul, softening my heart and uncluttering my mind. Her simple honest way of being never fails to nourish me.

I was given a plaque by a cowgirl friend of mine. It says “Bread may feed my body, but my horse feeds my soul”. How true!

Happy Trails,

Deb

(photo: asterix611)

Tags: divine cowgirl, horses, leeann gibbs, personal journey, relationships, snowfall, winter, winter wonderland

By Deb 1 comment

The Girl in the Box

December 5th, 2011 at 02:56pm Under Relationship+ With ourselves

There was this girl who lived in a box. It was safe and warm in there. Nothing bad ever happened in that little box world of hers, but nothing good ever happened either. It was a glass of flat pop with no fizz kind of place.

She had not always lived in the box. There were memories of grand adventures, running barefoot in the sunshine breathing in the air, alive with the perfume of warm summer days. She had recollections of carefree laughter, of goose bumps when facing a new challenge and even the tears of loss due to being alive in a world so often unpredictable and downright scary. Those memories called to her now.

As this girl examines her life (she peeked out of the box one day and saw all the brightness out there) she could not pinpoint or even remember when this old box became her dwelling place. She realized it was kind of cramped in there and she wanted out, but who had the key? It was a fearful moment. What if I cannot get out, what if I do!! She knew deep inside herself that if she did not get out, her heart would turn to stone and she would die.

So, she started pushing. To her surprise the walls gave a little. She took another little risk and pushed again. They gave a little more. WOW, this is fun. Strength flowed into her arms and excitement bubbled up in her. She gave another shove. The walls began to separate. A sweet light and fragrant fresh air flooded into the now creaky, shaky box. One more shove and it collapsed at her feet.

She was free. Yikes!! It was a glorious, frightening moment. It kind of gave her chills. So she gathered up the pieces of that old box and built a fire. As she warmed herself, she said goodbye to her old prison friend. As the embers died down she saw something shiny in the coals. She smiled. There was the key. It was shaped like a heart. It had been in her possession all along, hidden somewhere in that old box. When it cooled, she put it on a gold chain and placed it around her neck, as a reminder that freedom was always within her grasp.

So bags packed, heart in hand, and a little scared, off she went ready to make new memories. Memories of laughter and tears, memories of risks taken, memories of grand adventures, all part of that glorious mix we call life.

Happy Trails,

Deb Divine

Tags: calmness, friendship, inner journey, leeann gibbs, peacefulness, personal journey

By Deb 1 comment

Galloping Bareback

December 1st, 2011 at 08:00am Under Divine Cowgirl+ Horse+ Relationship

I had the most wonderful ride on my mare today. For the first time in 40 years I galloped bareback. That may sound silly to some, but to me it was a joyous moment. I have ran her frequently out on the trails which are our favorite place to ride, just never bareback like I used to as a young girl. To be honest, I was afraid that after all the years I spent horseless before she came into my life, I would probably take a face plant off her.

I have one of my favorite cowgirl buddies and riding companion to thank for the gift of that ride. We headed up to the hills behind her beautiful ranch to the base of a long ravine, she on her mustang, and me on my girl. It was a glorious fall morning, the sun was shining and our horses were happy to be out. We were just starting up the ravine when she turned to me and said “let’s canter ½ way up”. My heart stood still. Oh crap I thought. Inside, I really wanted to give it a try. I wanted to see if I still had it in me. The ground was soft and sandy, so I figured if I fell off at least I could do a good tuck and roll and call it a successful dismount. “Let’s do it” I said.

I grabbed a hunk of mane in one hand and the reins in the other and off we went, slower at first, but by the time we got to the top of the ravine we were moving! My body responded like it always had when I was younger, flowing into her rhythm, balanced and easy. I think she loved it as much as I did. As we reached the top and slowed to a walk I had to throw my head back and just whoop it up. I was grinning from ear to ear looking like I had just found a long lost treasure.

Looking back, I think I did. The treasure was that fearless young women I used to be, galloping into life’s experiences with confidence. I have often wondered where she went. Once again, my girl has taught me about myself, reminding me who I am at heart. Now all I have to do to see that amazing young women again is look into the mirror of my mares eyes – she’s there smiling back at me, ready for the next run.

Happy Trails,

Deb

(photo: Thowra_uk)

Tags: empowerment, horses, inner journey, inspirational, personal development, personal journey

By Deb 1 comment

More on Being a Better Person…

November 21st, 2011 at 02:04pm Under Divine Cowgirl+ Horse+ With ourselves

For as far back in my life as I can remember I have been entranced by, in awe of and smitten by the beauty and wonder of our equine companions, whom we share space with on this fair earth. From the soft sensitive muzzle to the flowing lines of a silken tail, I find nothing but grace, presence and intellect.

Have you ever got down really close to the nostrils that decorate that silken muzzle and watched them at work? I observed my mare as she took in a scent from who knows how far away. The surface skin, covered with fine downy hair, flexed and moved in myriads of tiny movements. It looked as if each nerve ending was coming alive, drinking in some sweet sensation. It was amazing to see and I would have missed it if I had not been about 6 inches from her muzzle. What a powerful sense of smell she must have.

I often gaze at her ears, perfectly sculpted, standing at attention on top of her head; mobile sentries alerting her to anything she may need to take a closer look at. Those chiseled velvety ears also take me in. My lightest touch on the reins, my facial expression, my voice, my breathing, all give cause for a movement in my direction. Sometimes they are starched up and forward, sometimes relaxed and soft as I scratch her favorite spots.

And those eyes. Those of you who share my sweet affliction (Oh to be so afflicted!!), know of what I speak. Deep warm pools of expression. Once one learns their language, they speak volumes. The total look of contentment when all her needs for food, shelter and companionship are being met, or her look of irritation when I prolong our ride past her dinner hour, or the look of anger when we have a difference of opinion.

My thoughts keep returning to what she has taught me about sensitivity. As I look back on my life I fear I have been so ME centered. Perhaps it was a survival skill I adopted without being aware; to survive the family system I was born in to. Perhaps I am just a typical inhabitant of a world that seems to be growing increasingly self centered. What ever the reason, I am thankful for what my life with my equine companion is teaching me about being human.

I am excited it is to be a lifelong learning process. Often I still default to my old way of being. Then we will go on a ride and I get outside myself, enter into her world and I am put back on track again. I have a plaque on my wall that says, “Horses are proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy”. Who would ever have imagined that our animal companions would be the teachers.

Happy Thanksgiving to all you Divine Cowgirls out there. Also, thanks to all who are sharing your wonderful thoughts with me. I am humbled that hearts are being touched.

Happy Trails,

Deb

Tags: horses, leeann gibbs, personal development, personal journey, relationships

By Deb 1 comment

A Better Person

November 16th, 2011 at 08:00am Under Divine Cowgirl+ Horse+ Relationship+ With others+ With ourselves

It has occurred to me that spending time with my mare tends to make me a better person, a better human being. It took many years of hanging out with her to learn some valuable life lessons. That part of my education began about 7 years ago when she and I first met.

At our first encounter we eyed each other shyly, curious about each other, strangers. I was so full of cocky confidence, thinking I was 18 again. She was polite and accommodating, being a gracious soul. I stormed into my relationship with her, wanting an instant bond, thinking I knew everything about her. I tried to control our every encounter. I wanted what many of us seek with our horses; friendship, affection, a partnership. I struggled for three years not understanding why she was not bonding with me. All the while my honest companion was trying to teach me about quietness of spirit, sensitivity, firmness with respect, and consistency. These were qualities I sadly lacked in some areas of my life.

Due to her patient soul, instead of her learning my language, she eventually taught me hers: the language of the soft eye at peace, the graceful arch of the neck when happy, the sweet little wrinkle above those eyes when content, the world of the quiet spirit. She taught me her language, one of subtle nuances in tune to my every breath and facial expression, and how she responds to my lightest touch.

When I finally got it, and understood I could slow down and pay attention to her honest way of communication, that’s when I really began to understand what she was about. Now I have what I desired with her from the beginning; a partnership, a friendship, a relationship based on trust. The wonderful thing about slowing down and getting in tune with her is how it has impacted my human relationships. Learning the language of the twinkle of the human eyes, the set of the shoulders, the tone of voice, has made me a better person, less self centered, better able to be in tune to the people in my life, both those I love, and the many other individuals I encounter on a daily basis.

Is there perhaps something your beloved animal companion would like to teach you? I am glad my friend patiently waited and never gave up on me. I have her to thank for teaching me how to be a better person.

Happy Trails,

Deb

Tags: communicating, confidence, deeply listen, following your heart, inner journey, personal journey

By Deb 3 comments

Dillon

November 7th, 2011 at 08:00am Under Horse+ Relationship+ With others+ With ourselves

There is so much I could say about Dillon. He was my first love, all 1000 pounds of young energy and beauty. He was the perfect horse for me. I remember how we used to run like the wind all over our pastures and down the country roads we lived on, the dust flying from his hooves. I could stick like glue on his bare back. He loved to run and I was fearless on him. We rode for hours, just the two of us. I shared all the secrets of my young girl’s heart with him, all my hopes and dreams. We trusted each other as best friends do.

One of the highlights of my life was riding him in the annual Labor Day parade in my home town. I spent hours polishing my saddle to a warm brown sheen. I groomed the hide off him until he shown like a copper penny. I remember raiding mom’s bathroom for shampoo and using most of it on him.

The day of the parade I was up bright and early. I saddled him up and rode off to town. The air was still fresh with the early morning smell only a farm can have, full of promise of the soft warm day to come. Sweet grass and alfalfa smells. Our beautiful slow moving, cud chewing, black and white dairy cattle stared at me, at peace in the lush green pasture. I can still smell that wonderful combination of cow and morning grass.

Dillon was young and full of energy, so I let him have his head as we took off down one of our favorite roads at a gallop. I loved the feeling of the wind on my face and his graceful power under me. He had to give me a little buck just for good measure.

I rode the 5 miles to town and joined my 4-H pals to line up for the parade. I was so proud I could hardly stand it. Grinning from ear to ear, granddad’s best dress cowboy hat on my head and my green bow tie at my neck, I waved at my mom and dad, grandma and granddad, and all the aunts and uncles along the parade route. I treasure that memory to this day.

That was so long ago, almost 40 years. My Dillon is long gone. I still miss him and tear up as I write this. His place in my heart has been filled by my sweet kind mare. I don’t run like the wind bareback anymore, and I am not as fearless as I once was. But – we ride for hours, usually just the two of us. I share all the secrets of my heart with her, all my hopes and dreams. We trust each other as best friends do.

Life is full of so many changes isn’t it? Friends come and go. Some remain with us to this day, and some we have had to say sad good-byes to, left with only the precious memories of the privilege we had of knowing and loving them. I will say good bye to my mare some day also. Even though I know it will hurt and leave a hole in my heart, I will not shrink back from loving her, or anyone else God blesses me with. How could I?

Happy Trails,

Deb

(photo: soybeck)

Tags: childhood memories, friendship, personal development, personal journey

By Deb 2 comments