Popping the Bubble

Posted by LeeAnn on July 20th, 2009 at 11:15am

We humans are interesting creatures. We live our lives totally based on our unconscious and at times unchallenged perceptions. Our reality is cemented by our version of the “truth” and we stick to that truth adamantly.

I remember a student who would often tell me her horse was purposefully doing things to her. She would leap into her list of grievances such as her horse was “making her mad,” or “on purpose ignoring her,” or “was refusing to do what she wanted.” I would always ask her how she knew the horse was so devious in his approach to their relationship and her reply was always – “I can’t imagine any other explanation for what was happening.”

“Really?” I’d reply. “So you think your horse has the power to make you mad? And that he has spent a lot of valuable pasture and stall time thinking up ways to ignore you as well as how to refuse your request?”

And then I’d usually ask how that story was working for her and if she also blamed humans for ignoring her, or making her mad or refusing her request. Inevitably she would say yes, she had similar problems with humans. At that point I’d ask who the common denominator was in all of her relationships. I would also ask if she was willing to step back and notice how she was a true master at writing the beginning, the middle and the ending of her story about relationships and was always surprised when the ending turned out exactly the way she expected.

The truth is we humans live in our own invisible bubble. Our perceptions live within the bubble. They are filtered through our family of origin, culture of origin, religion of origin and even our school of origin rules for how the world works. And we spend our lives bubble bumping with all other humans who have their own version of perceptions, expectations and “truths.”

At a dinner the other night I witnessed bubble bumping in full swing. A friend engaged with another friend. From my perspective they were simply exchanging differing views. Later one of the friends asked if I had noticed how the other friend had attacked them. I have to tell you I was puzzled. The story that I was hearing didn’t match my experience of the event. And yet, from my friend’s perspective and now story, she was convinced she has been verbally assaulted. She really wanted me to agree and even conscript with her story.

How often do we tell a story about an experience or an event that makes us wronged? I seldom hear anyone relate an event being curious about what the intention was of the other person or even the horse. In our bubble we expect people to act like us, respond like us and even think like us. We expect the other to be a “mini-me.”

What I have noticed is that empowerment begins with curiosity. I have noticed that if I ask, “Tell me more about what is up for you,” – new information beyond my story telling comes forth and it is often surprising.

It is time to begin popping our own bubble. We must begin to meet in differences. Differences expand our thinking and allow for new ideas to emerge. When we close our minds and protect our point of view we stay stuck behind an invisible wall that excludes connection and opportunity.

Are you ready to begin noticing, becoming aware, of your own story telling skills? Are you willing to ask and hear what the other person (or horse) is actually saying? And more than that are you willing to check out your story and be wrong? (are you willing to give up being “right?”) Are you willing to just set aside your judgments and create a mutual story – a story that allows you to meet the other?

Relationships require us to move past our victimhood and into deepening in our understanding of our self and others. It is time to pop your bubble?

Happy trails,
The Divine Cowgirl

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