The Sacred Art of Listening

Posted by LeeAnn on September 14th, 2009 at 09:40am

The key to any good relationship is our ability to listen. According to the dictionary, listening means: to make a conscious effort to hear, to pay attention to. In our culture we seem to want to talk, talk over, shout over and in general be heard without listening.

I think I became passionate about horses in my early years because with the horse I could just “be” and I could tell the horse anything. They never passed judgment on what I said or told me I was wrong. I could simply say out loud what was on my chest. The horse made no demands on me other than expecting to be fed. And that expectation of being fed existed because the home I provided for the horse was a stall and a coral, not pasture. I learned through observation and being with the horse, the language of the horse. I learned that I had to listen with my eyes and not my necessarily my ears. Horses communicate through subtle and not so subtle body language. Because horses are prey animals they are impeccable at reading human body language. They could care less what I said or what story I told, they zeroed in my “truth” or my inside unresolved feelings that created incongruence in between what was on the inside and the face I tried to present to the world. Sometimes horses have known my truth even before I was willing to acknowledge what was going on inside me for myself.

Listening and inquiry, true curiosity, is the core element of a sacred relationship. To truly listen is to want to know the experience of the other person or animal. Listening requires our intention to be understanding and meaning of the “other” rather than making our experience the most important part of the encounter.

Sacred listening is the only true gift we can give to another person. It costs us nothing but our attention and gives the richest gift of all – the gift of being seen and heard.

Listening is not an act of agreement. It is not an opportunity to give advice or fix someone; instead it is an opportunity for the person to be witnessed while they hear themselves. In the act of saying something out loud and being seen without judgment, new understandings and ideas come to the speaker. Listening is truly an act of sacred love, the impersonal love of seeing another human being and validating their existence. It is an act of giving up the need to be right for the need to understand; to let the other person be understood.

Today on my favorite television show – Sunday Morning on CBS (9/13/09) they did a segment on a Cab Driver Donating a Kidney.

This story is truly an example of sacred listening on many levels. The jist of the story was that a cab driver encountered a fare that was difficult to deal with. She was always grumpy and short. The driver decided that her attitude might how something to do with where he took her each time – to a kidney dialysis center. He actually went to the library and researched her condition and during the research decided he wanted to donate one of his kidneys to her. Click the link to hear the end of the story. It is powerful and the power began with a simple act of listening.

I am pretty sure there is someone in your life that you think is the exception to offering the opportunity to be heard. What if I challenged you to listen to the most difficult person in your life? What if I challenged you to simply listen – no advice, no one-ups-manship with a bigger whine or story, no helping – just listen and tell back the meaning of what you heard – what you heard the person was thinking, feeling and wanting. And after fully listening simply say, “thank you for giving me the opportunity to just listen.” What if I suggested you listened more with your eyes than with your ears? What if by listening with your eyes you noticed the person was holding their breath or that their body spoke volumes about fear, defeat or the expectation of being put down?

Listening is not personal – REALLY it is not personal no matter what the other person says. Humans and horse lash out when they are scared or tired or are trying to prevent being hurt.

Sacred listening is an art that takes practice. Are you willing to practice this week? Are you willing to take the challenge? Drop me a note and tell me your experience if you accept this challenge! I’d like to listen to your experience.

Happy Trails

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