Confabulations: How do you show up in a conversation?
Posted by LeeAnn on February 1st, 2010 at 09:54am
There are days that I wonder if we as humans connect any better than these two model horses. So often we talk at each other or over the top of each other instead of actually becoming present to what meaning the speaker is trying to impart.
I was teaching a class to a group of adults on the subject of listening. The point was to simply listen as an act of service and to help the speaker really get clear. The only rules to the exercise were no helping, fixing or advice giving. One of the participants became agitated and I inquired as to what was up. She said, “I have heard enough. When was it going to be my time to talk?”
Looking up the definitions and synonyms for words that mean to communicate, I was struck by how almost all the words mean to impart or to give forth information and none focused on the art of listening. Here are a few words we use in our expression to another person:
- Confabulation – to chat
- Dialogue – to exchange ideas or opinions
- Discussion – to talk with
- Tete-a-tete - head-to-head
As I ponder the plethora of books on the market about communication… Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss what Matters Most
I’d like to practice meeting another human being from the point of view that Mark Nepo practices:
“I find I come upon others now as if I have just crossed a desert and each of them is an oasis.”
How would your family life, your friendships, and your workplace be different if we were to see each person as fertile refuge? How would the world be different?
Until next time…
LeeAnn Gibbs
Tags: communicating, connection
Under Divine Cowgirl
2 Comments for Confabulations: How do you show up in a conversation?
1. Sherry | February 2nd, 2010 at 7:54 am
This makes a great deal of sense to me. In the past I think I was more of a talker…yes I listened but I can’t honestly say I put the other person first. Over the last 5 years my life has changed and so has my outlook. I now listen. I now start a conversation by asking “how are you” and it isn’t just a standard question..I really mean it. I’ll answer the other person’s questions about me and then I go back to them and say “but how did that feel” or “what did you think when” and open the floor to the other person because I do care. So often we push aside what we think might “bore” others and yet we are hoping to have someone who cares enough to ask and to listen. When I stopped thinking with my head and thinking with my heart it all became so much more clear to me. It doesn’t mean I get it “right” every time, but the intent is there and if I feel I haven’t been present enough for the other person I make amends to make that happen.
2. LeeAnn | February 2nd, 2010 at 5:11 pm
Hi Sherry,
Connection is made with sincere curiousity. When we inquire into what the other person is experiencing; the meaning they are making out of their experience and how that impacts relationships we begin to glimpse the inner world of another person.
One of the greatest human hungers is to be seen and heard. It truly is a gift we can give freely. All of us want to be witnessed; to know our lives matter. When we slow down and breathe together we actually create a point of light in each other’s lives.
Happy trails,
LeeAnn, The Divine Cowgirl
Leave a Comment for Confabulations: How do you show up in a conversation?