Are You Perfunctory?

Posted by LeeAnn on June 14th, 2010 at 12:45pm

Per·func·to·ry
adjective
1. Performed merely as a routine duty; hasty and superficial: perfunctory courtesy.
2. Lacking interest, care, or enthusiasm; indifferent or apathetic
3. Cursory, as a formality only

Horses are never perfunctory. They are always in the moment and present to what they are up to. Humans? …..not so much.

I had an experience this past weekend with a new horseman. It left me pondering how we, as humans, spend much of our lives being perfunctory.

I had agreed to give a horse-relationship lesson to this rider. I don’t believe in just giving a “technical – or how-to lesson.” My focus is always about the relationship and it begins when you first connect to the horse. Part of riding is grooming. It’s that part, if treated as a perfunctory event, is about getting rid of the dirt so you can move on to riding. However, grooming is all about connection. In some ways it is preparation for partnership. It is the first step in being present to your horse partner.

Yes, grooming has an element of routine. It is the time to literally check the horse out– to see if there are any swellings, cuts, or sore places. And it is an opportunity to give back. The act of grooming is part of the horse’s social structure. Itching each other in places that horses can’t reach for themselves is part of how horses relate to each other. It is a form of acceptance into the herd.

Part of the grooming ritual is an opportunity to ask the question, “Who are you today?”

How often do you ask your partner, your employees, your friends, your children – “Who are you today?” Or do you simply act and interact from your history with them? Are you really present to this moment?

Being present means slowing down, breathing together, and being curious about each other. It means “seeing” the other now – as in this moment.

We only have this moment – what I have noticed is that we treat the present moment as though it will always be there – as if we can always have another moment. In our obsession with getting somewhere we squander connection. We miss the gift of relationship by being so focused on the “doing” that we miss the “being.”

I invite you to ponder how much time you spend being perfunctory? Is it what you really want?

(photo credit: cyborgsuzy)